The Archive:
Felted friends who've already found their forever homes.
Don’t worry…we conducted an exit interview with each one and documented their stories before their departure.
Want one of your own?
Hamish is a fan of bold design. His interiors have been featured far and wide and his design advice podcast ‘Please don’t.’ is basically blowing up.
Dorian’s biggest dream was to win the Scripps National Spelling Bee. He worked tirelessly. Flashcards, quizzes, Latin and Greek roots, you name it. He made it all the way to a regional bee where he was eliminated in the 1st round for misspelling the word “narwhal.” How embarrassing.
Esther takes her job as a middle school art teacher very seriously (as she very well should). Students are in awe of her commanding presence as she waddles through the aisles of the classroom making it look as though to waddle in flowy skirts is an easy task. To get a nod of acknowledgment of a project well executed is enough to make one’s day. Sure there are those rumors that she once threw a chalkboard eraser at a student in a fit of rage, but the subtle fear is part of what makes being in her classroom an experience they all know will stick with them for the rest of their lives.
Tulla runs a pie shop out of the back of her coop (please don’t notify the health department). Her most popular? Coconut creme with a side of hot gossip.
Julian is a textbook underfunctioner. It doesn’t help that his brother, Julian, is a classic overfunctioner and his father, Julian, has about as many boundaries as you would expect from any sardine (which is to say none).
Eleanor is a busy bunny indeed. Between running her own urban compost pick up service (it is rumored that she started this business purely for her own snacking purposes) and binge watching episodes of The Great British Baking Show, she has barely enough time to think.
We are still transcribing Paul's exit interview. Thank you for your patience.
Phyllis is what some might describe as pushy. The best part about Phyllis? She doesn’t care what you think. She’s too busy enjoying her mud wallowing, cookie snarfing life.
Gordy is an extremely talented solo concert cellist. When he’s not preforming, you’ll find him listening to crime podcasts and reading dystopian novels. He has a special affinity for grape popsicles. He wanted me to be sure to tell you that he’s referring to the “The REAL kind. Not the crappy kind with no added sugar.”
If you needed one word to sum up Elizabeth, it would be philanthropic. If you needed three words to sum her up, they would be altruistic, compassionate and cupcakes. In fact, the only aspect of Elizabeth’s journey through life as a llama in which she is absolutely, positively selfish, is her complete and utter inability to share cupcakes. No one is perfect.
Francis is VERY into astrology. Once, he was so freaked out about Mercury going into retrograde that he holed up and didn’t crow for a whole week. Turns out that part of the whole crowing thing is to warn a flock of predators. Yeah…ended up not being a very good week for anyone.
Clara’s favorite things:
The color blue. Not powder blue…not cobalt…the color of the sky on a crisp autumn day. Popcorn…dredged in butter. Scary stories. Not the type that make your chest hurt, but the kind that leave you feeling just the right amount of unsettled and maybe even momentarily nauseous. Jasmine tea. Night swimming.
Julian is a teeny weeny sardine, but he’s not teeny weeny when it comes to personality. Just ask the other sardines that spend their day squeezed into a tin can with him. Thank goodness when he’s on his favorite plaque he can sing as much Phantom of the Opera as he wants.
June was raised in the Cotswold hills. She was always in a rush to grow up and get out. She felt like an outsider in her small town and couldn’t wait to hoof it to London, where she had big dreams of becoming a star in the London Arts Scene. That has yet to pan out, but June has made herself quite the reputation as an advice columnist for a popular British online newspaper. Oppressively posh in-laws? Ask June. Parenting style debates? Ask June. Flatmate that doesn’t do the dishes? Please don’t ask June. She actually is that flatmate.
Eli is not your typical Angora Goat. Sure he bites. Headbutting? I mean…he is a goat after all. BUT, when was the last time you had a goat quote Rilke to you? That’s what I thought.
Nell has an affinity for popcorn and Fellini films. She’s also a master eye roller.
Benjamin manages a small organic foods coop near his home in Maine. He used to own a large fast food franchise (we dare not say which one) but after many years of being around so much grease, it started to turn all four compartments of his stomach. Now he spends his time stocking veggies, keeping staff in line and sneaking off to the back room to binge on organic pop tarts.
Dicky’s troubles started several years ago when a seemingly kind hearted individual discovered him digging through a fast food bag behind a convenience store. She ‘rescued’ him and he spent the next five years wearing baby clothes and begging for cheesy poufs on camera. He was an internet sensation, but he found himself joyless and yearning for a life of freedom. One fateful night while his captor snored away, he slunk out into the world where he now exists as a free raccoon, desperately seeking MSG and a new outfit.
Neals likes to wind down from his stressful job as a clinical psychologist with a bit of gardening. He learned early on that his tusks really come in handy when it comes to digging holes and weeding. That and letting the air out of his neighbor’s tires when he catches them stealing the strawberries he worked so hard to cultivate.
Georgie works at a local dry cleaner, but his passion is for pickles. He could be drowning in a sea of sweaters and suits, but his mind is adrift in the land of the fermented.
We are still transcribing Colette's exit interview. Thank you for your patience.
Rose loves ice cream and will often eat it for dinner. She’s soft spoken, but she does not take any you know what.
We are still transcribing Goldie's exit interview. Thank you for your patience.
Lotti’s fascination with the paranormal began when she was small (to be clear…this fascination began when Lottie was young…still very small and this will never not be the case). This youthful curiosity blossomed into a full on obsession that has led her to travel worldwide seeking answers to all things supernatural.
Josephine owns a small bed and breakfast in what folks call a ‘one-stop-light town’ in Connecticut. She’s known for dishing it out, but never taking it. People overlook this because she makes the best biscuits in the northwest corner.
Mel, like many a mouse, has a reputation for being a little on the quiet side. You might be surprised to hear that they perform weekly at an open mic night doing their stand up routine. Have you ever heard a room full of mice laughing?? It’s freaking C U T E.
Gloria is not the kind of a fox who eats chickens…she’s a vegetarian. A homebody to her core, her favorite activity is to watch classic movies on TV with a box of frozen thin mints. ALONE thankyouverymuch. She has a huge crush on Cary Grant and daydreams about dancing with him.
Louise is a daydreamer. Brushing her teeth, washing dishes, packing groceries at her job at the local market? You’ll find Louise daydreaming. “Believe you me”, she tells me, “if I had a penny for every time someone has told me to get my head out of the clouds as if it’s the most original joke you could tell a giraffe…I’d be rich.”
Jeffrey has a degree in botany. His biggest areas of interest are native species conservation and nasturtiums…specifically how many of them he can stuff into his face any given summer.
Walter works for the postal service. He’s thinks that every individual has the ability to make someone’s day or to sour it and therefore, you better believe you’ll be met with a smile regardless of the day he’s having. Even last Tuesday when he woke up with a crick in his tail and his husband ate the last piece of leftover chicken and his car battery died all before 9am…ear to ear.
Marcello likes to eat cat food…by the fist full. He knows it’s kind of gross, but he simply can’t help himself. At least he’s wearing a cute cardigan dyed with marigolds from my garden. That counts for something, right?
Cecilia has an impressive collection of dollhouse furniture that is so expansive, it’s bordering on a problem.
We are still transcribing Fern's exit interview. Thank you for your patience.
We are still transcribing Milton's exit interview. Thank you for your patience.
We are still transcribing Nigel's exit interview. Thank you for your patience.
In the mid-nineties, Laurent became a roadie for a popular band. As is often the case, life on the road became arduous and after several years of too much fast food and not enough sleep, Laurent turned in his nomadic lifestyle and went in search of a place to put down some roots (much to the confusion of his relatives). He now resides in Philly where he opened a very well received vegetarian diner. Laurent loves to regale customers with stories of sleepless nights from his previous life. He’s known around town for making a mean squash mac and cheese as well as for his rare talent of playing the harmonica whilst driving.
James the fox is a genuine what you see is what you get kind of fox. None of this sly business. He’s the kind of fox you can trust, which made him perfect for his former job as a financial advisor. You know how the story goes though…one too many years behind a desk and now he’s living in the woods in a tiny house selling artisanal popcorn. He’s very happy.
We are still transcribing Marge's exit interview. Thank you for your patience.
Mabel is a self-made whale. She started a cosmetic company in the 1940's. After going public, Mabel found herself flush with cash and lots of free time on her hands, so she bought one of the Canary Islands and built a non-profit water park.
Magda pilots a sailboat cruise in the Florida Keys. She wants a life of adventure, but she'd also settle for a life of knitting on the rooftop of her favorite clam shack.